I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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