Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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