I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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