I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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