i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
