I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
