I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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