ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
