My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize