6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
