He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
