if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
