like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
