i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
