I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
