Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
