Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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