You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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