I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
