True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
