it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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