WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
false alarm. still invincible.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
