I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
