I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
