chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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