There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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