I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
