I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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