her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
