I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
