We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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