I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
