Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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