when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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