am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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