I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
