At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
