Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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