Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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