Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
