I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize