i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
