Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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