Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
