Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
