I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
