Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
