pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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