she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
