Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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