i will never coherently bang her
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
and you fell through a lawn chair
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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