My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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