i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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