I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
