I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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