Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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