i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
