I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
