He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
