Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
