remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
